


Kidnapped

by Larxicana



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Established Relationship, Human AU, Humor, Kidnapping, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-25 07:54:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6186613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larxicana/pseuds/Larxicana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Heinz has gone quiet over the past few days and that has Perry worried. Has something happened to him?</p><p>Inspired by the episode where Professor Mystery kidnaps Heinz. I can't remember the title.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kidnapped

It was odd. Perry hadn’t been called in on a mission for the past couple of days. Usually, every morning he would be told of something Heinz was doing then be sent to stop it, then maybe get some lunch together afterwards. However, two days without a call got him a little worried. Heinz wasn’t one to take a day off and if he did, he would call the OWCA to tell them so. Of course Perry wouldn’t lie. He enjoyed the free time to spend with his nephews, running around, building some crazy contraption with them all before their mother got home from wherever she was that day to make dinner. Still, the silence was a little unnerving.

Finally on the third day, Perry’s watch went off with a signal for a mission. He felt a small wave of relief as he left his room in the attic and made his way to the back yard.

“Where are you going, Uncle Perry?” Phineas called from the table, where he and Ferb were eating cereal.

Perry paused and walked over to ruffle their hair before he signed to them, _Work._

Phineas looked a little sad, “Aw, ok. I liked the time we spent together yesterday and the day before. We should totally do it again some time! Maybe when you’re not so busy at the police station.” He brightened a little, “Ferb and I came up with some awesome plans for a super, high powered rollercoaster that goes from Danville to the moon! We’ll save it for a day you’re free, ok?”

Perry nodded and gave them a thumbs up before slipping out the sliding glass door into the backyard. Glancing around to make sure no one was watching, he moved to the side of the house and twisted the faucet twice left, once right, then three times to the left, causing a trap door underneath his feet to open. He put his ankles together and braced himself for the fall and slide down the tube to his underground base.

Once inside, he landed on his feet and picked up his fedora from a hat stand nearby, placing it on his head before he hurried to his chair in front of his monitor. He allowed the computer to scan his face before Major Monogram appeared on the screen.

“Ah good, you’re here.” He spoke, “I’m sure you think you’re here for a mission involving something outlandish that Doof is up to but actually… we thought to tell you we haven’t heard from him the past few days.” Perry frowned, eyebrows coming together at this news. “Yeah. We’ve got nothing. It’s been very quiet at the DEI lately. Actually, come to think of it, we haven’t actually _seen_ Doof in that time either. I mean usually, he’ll venture out onto his balcony or something.”

Carl came up beside the major then, handing him a paper, “Sir, we just got this report in from Agent G. He says he was flying over Danville a few days ago when he saw a man in a black mask enter the DEI building. When he came back out, he was carrying a large black bag that seemed to be moving.”

Monogram took the paper and frowned at him, “Why the hell wasn’t I told of this earlier?”

“We just got the report, sir. Agent G got hit with a Fly-South-inator from the villain he was assigned to and just got back this morning.” Carl explained, but by this point, Perry wasn’t listening.

A man in a black mask entered Heinz’s building then left with a wiggling bag? Two days ago when Heinz first went quiet? Perry felt his stomach clench as his eyes widened, coming to the realization that something terrible must have happened. Quickly, he jumped up from his chair, causing it to spin several times before rushing to his hover craft. Major Monogram might have protested, but Perry couldn’t hear him. Instead he turned on the car and flew down a tunnel that would spit him out by the river so he could fly into the city, to the large purple building in the middle.

Perry landed his craft in an alley way before running into the building and taking the elevator up. It felt like the car was going at a snail’s pace. When it finally reached the top, he didn’t wait for the doors to fully open before running down the hall to Heinz’s apartment, only to find the door slightly ajar. Frowning, Perry carefully pushed it open slowly, causing it to squeak.

Upon entering the room, he quickly picked up on signs of a struggle. The keyboard and mouse by the man’s computer was hanging by the cord off the side while the chair was laying on its back, like Heinz had been yanked from his seat. Walking further into the room, he saw an –inator that was almost complete, but had a huge dent in the metal. Perry ran his fingers over it as he imagined the intruder throwing Heinz into it. He then glanced down and saw mud on the floor. The tracks led right from the –inator to the door. He wondered how he had missed that when he first came in. Kneeling down, Perry used his watch to scan the print before sending it off to headquarters. Within minutes, Major Monogram appeared on the screen in his watch.

“We took a look at that footprint you sent us, Agent P.” He started before Carl came to join him on the screen, holding the results in hand.

He pushed his glasses up, “It’s mud, alright. It seems to have a combination of rain water and salt water mixed in it, as well as coffee bean residue.”

Monogram lifted an eyebrow, “So whoever took Doof came from a coffee loving, rainy area? That could be a number of places!”

Perry quickly signed off on his watch, hurrying out of the apartment. Yes, there were a number of locations that matched that description, but a single area jumped out at him.

Seattle, Washington.

\--

“Hello?” Heinz called out to the darkness, turning his head the way and that, though he couldn’t see anything with this blindfold on. “Is anyone there? _Hellooo_?” He paused again, “Just so you know, I don’t think I can feel my _toes_ anymore.” He tried to wiggle around, but the trap he had been put in went from the middle of his biceps all the way to his feet, completely inclosing his lower half in a metal capsule. “Marco!” Heinz paused again, but still heard nothing. “You’re supposed to say _Polo_.”

Suddenly the blindfold was yanked off, causing Heinz to jerk with the motion then groan. He had opened his eyes as soon as it had been taken away, blinding himself by the sudden bright light. Slowly, he blinked his eyes open so they could adjust, before looking around. Off in the shadows stood a man with a black mask over his face, showing only his dark eyes and pale mouth. “Hello, Heinz Doofenschirmtz.” He spoke.

Heinz made a face, “Oh god, are you one of those crazed _fans_? Look, I’m flattered, really I am, but _kidnapping_ me? That’s really creepy, man.”

The man balled his hands into fists, glaring at him, “No I’m not a fan! I hate you!”

“Hate me? But why? I’m such a likable person!”

Growling, the man grabbed the dolly Heinz’s capsule was on and turned it so he could see a wall full of pictures. “What the…” Heinz stared, squinting his eyes to see them better. He finally saw that the pictures were of him, but scribbled out with marker. However, there was someone else in the pictures too. “Is that… Oh my god!” He smiled, “Is that Peter the _Panda_? I remember him! Wow, been a _long_ time, hasn’t it? Like… like three or four _months_ or something! Good nemesis.”

The man stepped in front of him with a new, fiery glare. “Peter isn’t _your_ nemesis, he’s mine!” He shouted, pointing his thumb at himself.

Heinz raised an eyebrow at him, “Well yeah. I have a _way_ hotter neme- wait did you say he was _your_ nemesis?” His eyes widened as he gasped, “Oh my god! I can’t believe it! I was the _other_ evil scientist!”

“That’s right!” The man balled his hands into fists, “My name is Professor Mystery and Peter the Panda is _my_ nemesis, not yours!”

“Ok yes, I think we established that. Wait, did you _kidnap_ me just to tell me that? Dude! You ate my lunch! What the hell, man? _So_ not cool! I had to call in that order then wait like _fifteen minutes_ while they tried to figure out what my name was!”

“Silence!” Professor Mystery shouted before pointing at him, “You nemesis stealer! I’ll make you regret that!”

“Dude that was like four _months_ ago. Are you still hanging onto that? I am _way_ over Peter. Besides, I have a _way_ better nemesis.”

“Don’t you talk about him like that!” Mystery suddenly lifted his hand and slapped Heinz across the face with the back of it.

“Ow! Geez!” Heinz worked his jaw, blinking a few times, “That hurt!”

“Good. There’s more where that came from.” Mystery stepped behind the dolly so he could pull it back onto its wheels and start down the hall.

Heinz frowned and turned his head to look back at him, “Wait, where are you taking me?” The man looked at him, but was silent. “Aren’t you going to _tell_ me why you kidnapped me? What you’re going to _do_ to me?”

Mystery shook his head, “No, that would ruin the whole mystery of things.”

Heinz made a face, “What? If you don’t tell me what you’re going to _do_ , then why should I even be _worried_?” Again, the man said nothing as they entered a larger room. Heinz looked up, finally smiled, “Hey! An –inator! What’s it do?”

The man stopped the dolly in front of the large machine, letting it settle before he walked around Heinz to it, typing on the keyboard for a moment. “I can’t tell you that.” He spoke, “It would ruin-…”

“Yes yes, it would ruin the _mystery_. I got that.” Heinz sighed, pushing his lips out in boredom. He then brightened again, smiling, “Hey, lemme ask you something. When do you tell Peter about your _evil_ plan? Is it before or _after_ you capture him? I’m always curious as to how other evil scientists do it. Personally, I trap my nemesis first and _then_ I tell him everything.” Mystery paused in what he was doing and turned around to look at him, looking confused. Heinz’s smile fell, “Don’t… Are you serious? Don’t tell me you don’t even tell him your evil _scheme_!”

“Well… no.”

“Oh my god!” Heinz tossed his head back before lifting it to narrow his eyes at him, “Seriously? And you wonder _why_ Peter sought out another scientist?” When Mystery continued to stare at him, Heinz groaned. “Communication, man! You need to talk to him! Tell him everything! Tell him why you _do_ what you _do_! Here here, wait. I think this would be better explained through _song_.”

\--

Perry stepped out of his hover car and onto the soggy concrete sidewalk. He fixed his hat to protect his face from the drizzling rain before walking into an alley way next to a large warehouse. He had talked to a few of his contacts in this area and learned a man by the named Professor Mystery fit the description Agent G had given them. He worked out of this warehouse in down town Seattle. If there was a good place to start, this would be it.

Skillfully, he worked his way up the fire escape, jumping and flipping until he landed on the top landing without a sound. He then lifted his arm and pointed his watch at it, causing a small laser to shoot out. He cut a small circle, catching the slab before it could fall and make a sound. Perry set it quietly down beside him on the fire escape before stepping into the warehouse.

He ended up on one of the high rafters in what appeared to be the main room. He moved slowly across platform, looking down curiously when he saw flashing, colored lights, placing his hands on the railing. That was when he noticed Heinz, trapped in a metal capsule, but otherwise fine. Perry let out a sigh of relief, but watched as he continued to sing with a bunch of back up dancers and singers. He couldn’t keep from smiling. Even when his life was in danger, the man seemed to completely throw caution to the wind. Deciding to enjoy the show, he leaned over at the hip, putting his elbows on the railing. He held his chin in one hand and lifted his foot so he could place the tip of his boot against the platform. Heinz was singing about communication or something to a man in a black mask, who seemed a little uncomfortable and confused. That must be the man who kidnapped Heinz in the first place.

When the song was over, Mystery watched as the models left. “How did you get back up dancers in here?” He asked, pointing to the door with his thumb.

Heinz smiled, “Oh they travel! Lovely group of ladies.” He leaned his head towards the doorway they had disappeared through, “Your check is in the mail, ladies!” He called after them before looking forward again. That was when he caught something with color high in the rafters against the dark ceiling. He squinted his eyes before they widened and brightened as he took in a delighted gasp, “Perry? Perry, is that _you_?”

Mystery turned around and looked up to see the man lounging in the rafts, “Who is that?”

Heinz grinned, “That’s _my_ nemesis! Hey handsome!” He let out a wolf whistle, “Come here often?” He shot the man a wink. He watched as Perry dropped his head and pressed the side of his face into his forearm, but could see the smile. “I’m _embarrassing_ him. Oh my god, isn’t he _adorable_ when he’s embarrassed? Hey, hey!” Perry lifted his head to look down at him. “I’m _waving_ at you right now, can you tell?”

Perry watched the man’s shoulders wiggle a little the only sign that he was moving in his pod. He rested his chin in his hand again and waved back.

Heinz looked back at the man who kidnapped him, “See? I _told_ you he was hot. Though I guess you can’t really _tell_ because he’s all the way up _there_ , but just wait until he gets down here. You’re going to be like _wow.”_ He narrowed his eyes at him then, “But don’t get any _ideas_ , ok? Perry is _my_ nemesis. Not yours. You can totally keep Peter the Panda. I don’t need him. Not when I have _him.”_ He then lifted his eyes back up to Perry and wiggled his eyebrows at him. Perry stood up straight, gripping the rail as he tilted his head away from him, rolling his eyes with an amused look on his face.

“Enough!” Mystery shouted, glaring at Heinz again, “I won’t let you talk about Peter like that! He’s twice the agent your _Perry_ would ever be!”

Heinz glared back at him, “Hey, hey! Watch it!”

Mystery ignored him and turned to type some more on the computer attached this his huge –inator. Suddenly it came to life, lighting up and shifting until it was pointed at Heinz. However, the man didn’t seem fazed.

“You know, I would be a lot more frightened if I _knew_ what it did.” He told him.

Mystery let out an aggravated sound, “Oh will you shut up?” He demanded as he turned around, but was met with a fist to the face. He fell to the ground then took hold of his aching jaw. Looking up, he saw that Perry had made his way down from the rafters and stood between him and Heinz, fists up.

“Whoa!” The doctor said, “That was _awesome_! The way you flipped over the _railing_ like that? I should put rafter in _my_ lab so I can watch you do that when you come to thwart _me_!”

Perry only spared him a glance, focusing on the fight now. However, when he looked away, Mystery had kicked his feet out from underneath him. He quickly stood up so he could lift his foot and stomp on the man, but Perry rolled away and quickly got back to his feet. Mystery pulled out a gun from his pocket and started firing. The agent easily dodged the laser with a mixture of dives and flips, showing that while he may not be very tall, he should not be easily underestimated.

“Hold still, damn it!” The man shouted before finally getting a shot close enough to singe Perry’s black dress shirt sleeve.

“Hey!” Heinz shouted, glaring at him, “You almost hit him! Don’t you _dare_ hurt my nemesis! Only I can do that!” He started to wiggle in his capsule.

Mystery suddenly gave a smirk, “Hurting him upsets you? Well then maybe I should hurt him some more! Teach you to steal my own nemesis!”

“I’ll make you regret it!”

There was suddenly an explosion against one of the walls, getting the attention of everyone inside. Peter appeared in the opening with a frown, glancing around the room before looking at Mystery.

The man’s face broke out into a smile, “Peter! You came!” Before he knew it, he was tackled to the ground with a fist in his face. He made a pained sound from the punch but grinned back up at the man over him, “Yes! Haha- Ack!” He worked his jaw when he was punched again, but it never caused his smile to fade, “Yes! See? Isn’t this great? What could _he_ give you that I couldn’t?”

Heinz dropped his head back and groaned, “Oh my- did you miss that entire song? How about an evil monolog? _Communication_ , man! At least tell him what your – _inator_ does!”

Mystery’s eyes widened, but brightened, “Oh! Right! It’s a Nonexistent-inator!”

Heinz’s eyes widened and he looked to the machine was it started to hum and light up brighter, readying to fire, “Ok well _now_ I’m worried!” He started to struggle in his capsule some more.

Perry quickly jumped into action, confident Mystery wouldn’t be a problem right now. He rushed to the nose of the –inator then gave a powerful jump, throwing himself back so he could kick the nose up towards the ceiling. The red beam shot out and went right through the ceiling, hopefully disappearing into the sky where it wouldn’t hurt anyone. Perry then finished his flip, landing on his feet before he rushed over to Heinz to work on getting him free while Peter took care of the –inator.

“Yes, yes!” Mystery shouted from where he sat on the ground, balling his hands into fists, “Thwart me instead!”

Heinz made a face as he watched, “Eesh! How _pathetic_.” He looked down at Perry, “I’m not like _that_ , am I?” Perry shook his head as he ran his hands over the flat metal until he found the panel he was looking for. He popped it open and yanked out a few wires, causing them to spark, but for the pod to open. As soon as Heinz was free and he stepped out of the pod, Perry stood up to slip his arms around his waist, hugging him tightly for a moment. The doctor seemed a little surprised at first, but then smiled and hugged him back. “Aw, I missed you too. I knew you would save me.”

Perry pulled back to smile up at him, but turned around when he heard beeping. Peter had set the machine to explode, grabbing Mystery so he could pull him out of the blast zone. Making a face, Perry quickly did the same, grabbing Heinz by the wrist before rushing away from the –inator. When he was satisfied they would be far enough away from the force of the blast, he shoved Heinz to the ground behind a stack of heavy metal drums and ducked down to, putting his hands over his ears. The machine exploded them, loud enough to shake the whole building and sent a vibration through Perry’s chest. He then put his hand on a drum and peered around it to see there was nothing but ash and a black spot where the –inator had been. Perry then looked up to see Peter by the exit with Mystery tossed over his shoulder. The man nodded to him, earning one in return. The two of them were still on tense ground, but Perry couldn’t deny the fact that he had helped him.

“Wow!” Perry turned to look at Heinz, who was grinning, “What a rush! Is _that_ what it’s like when you thwart me and blow up _my_ –inators? That’s amazing!” The agent rolled his eyes before he stood and pulled the man to his feet, nudging him towards the exit. He then gave the man a look, taking his hand to hold.

Heinz looked at him, “I’m assuming that look means ‘ _don’t get captured anymore’_ , right?” Perry nodded. “Yes, because when I woke up that morning, I thought to myself ‘ _Wow! I really wanna be gagged, tied up, blindfolded, and taken to a strange location_!’” Perry raised an eyebrow at him, giving him a smirk. Heinz’s eyes widened as his face warmed a little, “Perry the Platypus! Get your mind out of the _gutter_! Oh my god, now you’re embarrassing _me_! Is that pay back? Is it, isn’t it? Oh you devious thing, you!” The agent grinned and shrugged before he gave him a nudge, taking off in a run. “Hey! Get back here! You’re not getting out of this that easily!” Heinz hurried to follow after him.


End file.
